Hate, hate, hate...loathe entirely!

Hate, hate, hate…loathe entirely!

- The Grinch

As I have sat with and been really honest with myself about how I feel about the environment at work I can see the hatred I have in my body. As I allowed the hatred I saw all the situations I felt hatred for and then noticed that some of that hatred wasn’t even mine. I also saw that hatred and it’s sibling resentment are really just ways that I “protect” myself from being hurt. It’s a survival technique I learned when I was actually too small and not capable of feeling some of the big emotions I felt. Like so many of you I didn’t have someone help me through some really dark times, so I did what I could to survive.

I hold the deepest compassion for my younger self and I also see how much this survival mechanism isn’t working in my life. I am now an adult. I am stronger not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. I have new tools that I can use to help me through the big emotions and disappointments I will face in this life.

I have spent the past 2 days joking about what a looser I am at work. It has been nice to have people to laugh about it with , to have people be incensed at what was said about me. And there is a small part of me that liked people feeling bad for me. People being shocked at the way I was treated. I liked being the victim just a little bit.

So, how do I feel through big emotions and not get caught in the story or old survival patterns? First of all, focus on the feeling and the sensations in my body and breathe into those feelings/sensations. There are times it helps me to name the emotion or describe the sensation, other times it’s more supportive for me to simply be with whatever is happening in my body without needing to describe it.

Second,: journaling. Writing my thoughts down is so much more healing that rehashing things with a friend or co-worker who will roll in the mud with me. That being said, there are times that having a friend who can hold space for me and gently call me out on patterns I may not see so I can choose again.

Third is a clearing I just learned. Say, “I lovingly and peacefully call all my energy back to me in the here and now.”. This will call my energy back that I have released as I have griped about or rehashed a story of how I was wronged.

Fourth is to send love to people around you or someone you know. If we are One, and I believe we are, then sending love out will return it back to me. This is also a new tool I learned so I will be practicing it to see if it works.

Bottom line, my friend, is it’s okay to feel hate. Feel through it and find the wound it is protecting so you can heal. It’s not right or wrong, it just is what you feel. If you push it away, believing it is a bad or harmful energy like I did, it grows and can lead to you causing yourself or others harm by acting on the hate.

Stay tuned, dear one.

Much love,

Jules ❤