Focus...

Focus…

As I meditated and cried out some frustrating patterns I realized that my focus was off. I could rattle off so many times where I felt unseen, unappreciated, where I have been treated poorly, but have a difficult time listing the times where I have felt supported, appreciated, loved. I can see a picture of me and tell you every flaw with my face and body, yet have a difficult time seeing any beauty. Do you relate?

As I meditated my inner voice asked what I was focused on, reminding me that what I focus on will increase. Ugh- so simple and yet it feels like the biggest mountain that I need to move. I learned early on in my life that I couldn’t trust people, that the world is dangerous, that I wasn’t enough. These tapes have been playing for 50 years, I’m not sure how to re-record thoughts of what I want. And those old patterns are familiar, even comfortable. There is no unknown there, no surprises. With low expectations it’s not as easy to fee disappointed or let down. And yet…

Is that the way I want to live? Safe in discontent and fear? No. I’m ready to co-create with God a new life. One where I am open to seeing the support that surrounds me. I don’t have to choose one or the other, however I can focus more on what I want more of and simply notice what I don’t love, then let it go. I’ve held onto the thoughts of lack like they were a life jacket, only to realize they have been a stone that has been dragging me down.

I’m not saying this will be easy, and I know that it’s totally possible that it will be. I chose to lay down the overwhelm at Jesus’ feet this morning, and I’m sure I will get to repeat that a time or two. I get to take time to remember the times I have been loved, supported, valued, then I get to envision more of that unfolding in my life. I get to feel it, smell it, taste it- really use all my senses to experience it, then I get to let go and let God do His thing.

How about you? Could you use a re-boot?

Much love,

Jules ❤

p.s.

This photo is actually part of one I took of the tiniest mushroom I’ve seen- about the size of my pinky nail. How many times have I missed the small wonders? ha