Finding the light...

Finding the light…

The old- timey lighthouses were built with these giant prisms that would reflect the light out to the ocean to let sailors know land was near. These prisms had to be meticulously cleaned to ensure that light was clear and strong, not impeded by any dust or dirt and would take hours.

That was my journey. Up until 2017 when I finally gained an understanding of how easy meditation really is, the prisms in my lighthouse were caked over and chipped. After the trip up the canyon in January I vowed to find joy. I was dedicated to reading and watching content that would increase my vibration. I did all I could do at the time to heal and become stronger. To be honest I don’t remember what happened in December of that year to yank the rug out from under me, and I can tell you exactly what led to it.

Around January of 2017 I was miraculously invited to a family group meeting that introduced me to Al Anon and my friend Kris Groves. Kris’ favorite phrase was “you’ve got to feel it to heal it”, and she was right. I slowly learned to feel my feelings (I’m still learning to be honest), to focus inward rather than outward or “stay on my side of the street” in my recovery. I learned about co-dependency and the destructive nature of worrying about someone rather than trust that they were on their journey and God had them. Later that year found a speaker named Kyle Cease who talked about meditation in a way I hadn’t heard before. There was no “emptying the mind” or chants or rules. Just sit. That was it, just sit with whatever comes up and be willing to sit with the pain.

I have been meditating most days for at least an hour since then. There have been many mornings and days that were filled with tears as I sat with the “white hot loneliness” as Pema puts it. I have walked around with what feels like angry clouds covering my light for days, praying for them to release. I have learned to love myself along the way, to love the perfectly imperfect woman that I am. I have cleaned my prisms and continue to do so. Just as in the old times, this is something that needs to be done daily. The job is never “done”, there will always be more dirt and dust to clean off so our lights shine out to others so they can find their way home.

Are you ready to clean and shine your prism? It’s the best job in the world, one I am so grateful to do every day.

Much love,

Jules ❤