At-one-ment...

At-one-ment…

At-one-ment: “to at-one” as a transitive verb meaning “to achieve a state of at-oneness, or reconciliation, between two parties”. (source: https://forward.com/culture/11632/at-one-ment-00488/)

I love that definition, to achieve a state of at-oneness. I believe that is what this life is about, learning to at-one with Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother and our Savior, to be more like Them. We are caterpillars becoming butterflies. In the movie “A League of Their Own” Tom Hank’s character is talking to a player who wants to quit because it’s too hard. He says, “It’s supposed to be hard. It if wasn’t hard everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.” Life is hard. It’s supposed to be hard. That’s how we grow stronger, more resilient, more charitable.

I recently read about butterflies, particularly the Monarch butterfly. In order to transform, it has to digest itself in the cocoon. It has to un-become everything it thought it was. It then re-organizes it’s cells to become the Truth of who it is, a beautiful butterfly. The cocoon appears hard and milky, and as the butterfly becomes ready to emerge, it turns transparent and becomes thin. As it emerges the butterfly has to struggle to get out of the cocoon. If it is helped in any way, the wings won’t be strong enough to fly and it will die. After it emerges it needs to pump blood into the wet, crumpled wings so they can dry and be ready for flight. It’s a beautiful process, this un-becoming to evolve.

That has been my experience with the atonement. I have been through dark times where I thought I would suffocate from the pain, where I literally couldn’t live one more moment with the excruciating pain of this life. That was me digesting my old self. Over the years I have been slowly becoming a more loving, peaceful, compassionate person. It’s been hard. So hard. I covered myself in my cocoon, hiding as much as possible inside the hard exterior. As I healed and meditated I allowed the walls to become more translucent, I have struggled to break free and feel I am in the drying phase.

For years I didn’t understand why God would allow so much pain into my life. He is all powerful, Christ’s atonement was supposed to heal me, why didn’t things change or become easier for me? I even had moments when I knew without a doubt that They didn’t love me, that I was beyond the healing grace of the atonement. The butterflies have taught me differently. Now I know that They love me too much to disrupt my growth, lessen my transformation. I am humbled and grateful They saw in me what I couldn’t see in myself. The process of at-one-ment can be so painful, so hard and the hard really is what makes it great.

So my friend, if you are in the process of un-becoming, or are tight in your cocoon, hang on. Your wings are growing, you are changing, and eventually you will be ready to emerge and take flight.

Much love,

Jules ❤