Owning my energy...

Owning my energy…

As I sit with the pattern of not feeling supported, valued, or appreciated I am realizing how often I look outside rather than in. It’s a pattern in my body, not anyone else’s. It’s not a pattern my boss has, or if it is it’s not mine to change, but it is a pattern in my body, so that I can change and I’m told when I do that circumstances around me will change.

To an extent I have experienced this. There have been times recently where I have faced difficult situations and felt supported and appreciated, and now it’s time for me to “level up” and raise my inner awareness more. I’m ready to own all the feelings, all the experiences, really everything in my life. If it’s in my life, if I’m experiencing it, then it’s my energy that has called it in.

I get to do an online meditation retreat this weekend, and I’m so excited about it. It seems I can meditate deeper and feel more. Part of this is the power of so many people meditating at the same time, part of this is my participation. I can be better at sitting up and really becoming present during my meditations. I tend to drift and loose focus, which is okay, and it’s time for me to go to the next level. It’s time for me to go deeper, feel wider. I feel my belly still has so much to be released, as do my legs. I feel that energy has pooled up and become stuck in my calves and shins especially as I have partially released energy but not quite fully. I feel this is because of my pattern of blaming and focusing my energy on “them”. All the people who have shown up exactly as this pattern expects. “They” have judged me, “they” have looked for the bad in me, “they” think I’m not good enough, “they” don’t want me. It’s time to drop the “they” and own that those are all my feelings or I wouldn’t be triggered by “their” actions and words.

This is a bit of the unknown for me. Uncarted territory. I get to take the lessons I have learned so far: stop telling the story, want and support myself, say “I love you” to myself all day, have a little faith, etc. and have faith along the way. Faith that Jesus will fill in the gaps and support me, faith in myself that I can do this.

Are you in? Will you start owning all of it? It’s where our power is in every situation.

Much love,

Jules ❤