Patience...

Patience…

I want healing now. I want my patterns to be overcome now. I want patience now. ha!

Yesterday I sat with shame and rage that came up- again. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning in those 2 emotions, that I’ll never feel them enough for them to go. Yet, when I am quiet I can hear God asking me to be patient with myself, to be patient with His beloved daughter.

Last night as I sat with my feelings I saw that I had shut my inner child in a room. I wanted her to be quiet, to get over the trauma already. I wanted things to be done in my time, not God’s and not hers. I was ready to move on already. As I saw her shut off I realized how I have created the pain I’m in. I’m going around and around because I’m not really taking care of her. I listen to her so she’ll be done. I nourish myself so I can move on. There is always an expectation attached, even when I think there’s not.

So today I take a breath and stop taking things so seriously. I choose to notice the shame and rage and whatever else comes up with no agenda. I choose to take moments to put my hand on my heart, take a deep breath and feel appreciation for all of me. I choose to truly nourish myself by not having expectations, and yet to be open to all the beautiful possibilities.

Today I choose to smile at myself, at all of me, even when I make a mistake. Today I will see myself as that little 5 year old girl who felt so alone and small and insignificant and be with her and nourish her with love and grace.

Much love,

Jules ❤