Beautiful...

Beautiful…

I am following my heart in this moment, not knowing what will come out as I type. I know that beautiful gets to be the title and that this picture of Alcatraz gets to be the “postcard”. Maybe it’s that I have denied the beauty within myself. I have denied that I am worthy of someone truly loving me, that I am worthy of respect, being seen and heard, being cherished. I know I’ve hit the mark as the tear roll down my cheeks.

The truth is that I have kept myself in prison. I was victimized when I was too little to stand up for myself, and I have continued to victimize myself all these years. It was a pattern that I knew with results I could count on. The results weren’t pleasant, but they were familiar. The past couple of days I have been closing down my prison. I am choosing to get off the island and set myself free once and for all.

I was talking to Kyle Cease earlier in the week, crying about the pattern of not being “enough”. As he asked me what “enough” was and said that it wasn’t even a thing, it’s like the fog lifted and the light shined through the pattern and I started to laugh. When he asked me about the pattern again I was still laughing- I had no idea what I was even talking about. It was like I had been under a spell that was finally broken and I was seeing clearly for the first time. I was finally able to see the hilarity of my previous belief.

So today I get to nourish myself with play. Not sure how that will look- swinging on a swing, taking a walk, painting. All I know is my soul wants to laugh and have some fun today.

You in? I double dog dare ya!

Much love,

Jules ❤