Ready...

Ready…

God is so good. He won’t give us what we want until we are ready for it. I’ve been chasing how to love myself for over a year, trying different things that helped a little, but I still felt stuck in unworthiness. I felt unlovable, like I was a bad person who didn’t deserve good things. Even on the days when I felt more confident, those were lying under the surface.

I’ve been doing online meditation retreats with Kyle Cease since March 2020. That first one I asked a question about feeling unworthy and was called on the screen to talk to Kyle, but the internet connection wasn’t good and I lost connection and “lost my opportunity”. I was bummed for months, and every retreat I wanted to be called on to work through this lagging feeling. Last weekend was the last online retreat they are planning on doing and I asked a question about not feeling worthy, then made a comment about not being able to conceive being loved and he called me on. As we worked through things he had me tell him 10 reasons why I was worthy. That was so hard, especially with him, with his team, with that community who I look up to. They have achieved success and healing I want so badly. He then had people tell me why I was worthy in the comments and read them out loud, then brought people on the screen to tell me. It was so difficult to hear and I had to breathe through it all so I wouldn’t push it away or say they “had to” say nice things.

We were challenged to write 100 reasons why we are worthy and I have continued the list- I’m at 247. I was a master at finding evidence of why I was unworthy, now I am using that talent and shifting it just a few degrees to look for evidence of why I am worthy. I’m learning to tell the difference between what I’m feeling and allowing that and what is an old tape that is read to be reframed and corrected. I’m learning to value myself more and question judgement more.

So, are you ready for the challenge? I dare you to write down 100 reasons why you’re worthy. Physical traits, how you show up for others, challenges you’ve overcome, things you’ve learned, physical things you’ve earned, etc. The list can’t be topped out because the truth is that each of us are of infinite worth, the world just has been really good and convincing us otherwise.

I wasn’t ready back in March 2020. I needed to work on loving myself so I could chip away enough debris so I could really learn my worth. You deserve the same knowledge.

Much love,

Jules ❤