Feeling fully...

Feeling fully…

We’re not here to feel good, we’re here to feel fully. - Kyle Cease

Kyle said this on a call a while ago and it has stuck with me ever since. As I have meditated and evolved this concept of feeling fully continues to deepen. I know to feel the sadness, the stuckness, the judgement, and today I saw how I had prevented myself from feeling resistance to my body. I have what I call a '“Who belly”. I’m sure it holds old trauma from my childhood and have felt gratitude for it doing that until I was ready to process and fully feel that trauma, and yet this morning I saw my resistance to fully accepting it. I guess it’s the onion thing and I’m down another layer.

I saw the resistance and judgement, even some disgust and embarrassment of it being covered over with my effort to love it. That’s like putting a band aid over and dirty, infected wound and expecting it to heal. First I get to feel all the feelings fully. I can be open to a deeper level of love at the same time, but I can’t pile “love” on top of it without first loving the wound with all the feels.

I was the youngest of 8 and I didn’t feel seen or loved. I know I was, I just didn’t feel it. The truth is I’ve been chasing this needing to be loved all my life, and now I am learning how to give that to myself. Feeling fully and accepting ALL the feelings is the first step. Being open to feeling God’s love and surrendering the timing to Him is the way. Practicing acceptance that whatever shows up is ultimately for my growth. Maybe that’s the highest form of love.

Much love,

Jules ❤